Bellyaching

I take joy in the bullshit,
so much so I no longer recognize
my lack of sincerity.
I used to would at least
explain away my reasons,
but lethargy killed that effort.

I recognize the specter now
that warns me -
and I will recognize it once more,
I know from experience -
as soon as it's too late.


You, so simple, complaining of who done you wrong;
                who is a fool;
                who lied;
                who bailed and changed plans.
Have you no mind?           
Trust is for the helpless.
Who are you? so simple.
Have you taken no time,
            made no considerations that
You are all there is to trust and only hope yourself?
Have you no heart?           
    Honesty is for the spineless.
    Who are you? so basic.
Do you not realize
            it has never dawned on you
Honesty only leads to your own suffering, so lie.
You, so simple, complaining on about common betrayals,
    refusing to recognize how common they are,
you ache in my ears when I hear you
                    blah, blah
        a five year old who doesn't get his toy.
Life is this way. You complain of nature.
Deceit will defeat you
if you fail to see
that it is not rare
but rampant.



Noon, sunny, and nothing makes you happy. Look into the selfish trees, living to outgrow the rest. When did you begin to see trees as self-important? Was it the time you used vulgarity to hurt someone you love the way he hurt you? You recognized at that moment that despite your efforts for calm composure and forgiving nature, you cannot maintain this. Or was it the realization that you never lived to turn the other cheek - the way you believed - but instead that you are utterly apathetic and you do not love your enemy, but allow him to trample you, simply because laying down is easier than a confrontation?
The weakest trees die soonest and the strongest in their selfishness grow into splendid landmarks of old age and wisdom. You are no longer a sapling. It is the year of nudge and flex and you must reach toward the sun. If you do not do so now, your growth will retard. You will be nothing; cut out later to make space for the progress of those trees still growing. You will have no strength or age to claim your place. You will become wood chips, particle board - cheap and used cheaply. You sit watching the man with the lawn mower going around the big trees, mowing down saplings like grass.