This song runs through my head. It came on the radio during the drive home. It was anthem to all those drunken Korean nights. I turned it down in the car, unable to listen without the rush of pressure in my chest and bad memories. You need nothing in Korea.
A child trapped in a well, fingernails peeling off fingertips, scratched into the stone and mortar walls.
You need nothing but to be pretty. Put on the right clothes before you go out and keep the top button open. Make sure your hair's tidy but not too neat. You want it a little out of place, but well kept. You flash a smirk and two eyes that go into the one she's not use to people looking into, the one across the bridge of her nose. If you look there, she's locked in. If you have a dimple, use it like a mousetrap.
It's sickening to think of those days, trapped, using vanity to attract the most disgusting displays of affection and pretending to enjoy myself. My escape became my mire. You need nothing to live in Korea, but to be pretty, or, the will to recall you're more than your small face, big eyes, and flashy smile.
We all run through like water in a paddle boat. But some stand out. Those who stand out, do something. It doesn't matter what they do. They do it different than anyone's done it before.
Be pretty to stand out in Korea. Eyes glance and passions flare like morning glories. Open and shut before the heat of the day. It's too hot to stay available to the sun. Hide away, ashamed. I've no reason for people to see me.
Here, everyone's available for the watchful eye, the listening ear, the open soul, the yearning spirit that knows it can find more than the heart once cringed and accepted. There IS more. Don't forget this.
I realized, "Ryan is driving me home. This place is completely different. I can enjoy anything here." I turned the music up, louder than before, stamped my feet on the floorboard, hunched over and screamed.
"... make people have honest emotions..." - Nathaniel Rateliff
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